A bar game

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 07/11/2017 at 18:28 • Filed to: None

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Brought to you by the letters G&T

A friend and I used to have a game we would play in bars. Basically, we would take turns picking people and she would try and get them to buy her a drink.

The catch is that they would also have to buy me a drink, too. If you picked someone and they didn’t buy you a drink, then you had to pay for a round of drinks.

It seems simple, but it was actually deceptively complex. You had to pick someone who looked like they would be dumb enough to buy a woman and a random dude a drink, but since it would be mean to immediately tell them to fuck off, you had to pick someone who wouldn’t be terrible to drink with. Even if you won the pick, if they were terrible and we had to ditch them and go to another bar, you had to buy the first round at the next bar.

Picking the bar was also part of the game. If you picked a bar and had absolutely no luck, then you had to buy the drinks at the next bar until someone agreed to pay for drinks. For my part, I chose bars I knew would be frequented by college students, because college students are dumb and horny.

My tactic, which I kept to myself, was to pick bars close to Columbia, because there was a better chance of finding someone with money, and since it was Columbia, it went without saying that they’d be dumb.

To the best of my recollection, the only time she didn’t eventually get someone to buy us drinks was when she tried to get cute and turn the tables by going to a gay bar and making me get someone to buy us drinks. While I did try my best to get drinks, I think gay guys were just generally too smart to do something stupid like buying a drink for a guy and his opposite gendered friend.

I have had women pay for my drinks, but I still don’t think I could have swung getting them to pay for someone else’s too, so we never even tried it.

Recently I was talking on the phone with this friend. She told me how she usually plans on having a glass of wine or two with dinner, but most nights ends up drinking at least one bottle of wine and then going to sleep. She asked me, in a very uncharacteristically candid and serious way, if I thought she was an alcoholic. I avoided giving a straight answer by saying that I do the same.

I went to visit her for a week. Rather than going out to bars and trying to get people to buy us drinks, we spent most nights in her house, drinking three-to-four bottles of wine and playing chess. Getting old sucks.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 18:29

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Side note: 3/4 of a gin and tonic being tonic? That’s disgusting. You almost lost yourselves a sale, sirs, and that’s sad, because this is good tonic.

Noah - Now with more boost. > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 18:38

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agreed, 1/2 and 1/2 all the way! Preferably with The Botanist

Honeybunchesofgoats > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 18:39

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Additional note: I make an amazing gin and tonic. Multiple people have affirmed this gift, despite the fact that I don’t pay attention to ratios.

I’d say that it’s just impossible to make a bad one, but I’ve had enough bad ones to know that this is not the case.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Noah - Now with more boost. 07/11/2017 at 18:40

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I’ve never had that, but I see that it’s from Islay, the place that makes my favorite scotches that taste like cigarette butts and regret, so it’s definitely going to be the next gin I buy.

My citroen won't start > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 18:57

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G&T is my drink of choice and I am know to make a pretty good one (no idea how, it also seems impossible to get it wrong in my opinion). The bad ones I’ve had at bars and events I blame on cheap liquor.

I usually do two/three fingers of gin to half a can of tonic, couple cubes of ice and a single lemon slice

Also, one of the few drinks that go well with cigarettes (as in not leaving a strange taste in your mouth when you drink and smoke)

Honeybunchesofgoats > My citroen won't start 07/11/2017 at 19:01

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My top alcoholic drinks with cigarettes:

Easty red wines

Gin and tonic

Smoky scotches

If I gave up smoking, I would have to give up all of these, because they go hand-in-hand

Noah - Now with more boost. > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:02

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Highly recommended, it’s unbelievably good. The kind of gin you’d definitely need nice tonic for.

My citroen won't start > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:06

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Yep, pretty much the same here, red wines (I feel so french drinking red wine, smoking and eating bread all at the same time) and Gin and tonic.

Scotch usually beckons a Cigar.

Also, good choice on American Spirit, if they weren’t so rare - and therefore expensive - here I would smoke them instead of Yellow Camels.

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:09

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Bar/restaurant in town does a 7 hour happy hour on Sundays, noon till seven. I haven’t been in awhile (ditto getting old), but it was $1.55 G&T’s, screwdrivers, and domestic draft. A good friend and I used to make an event of it. We’d get our booth and do lunch at 11:30. His wife and my girlfriend would come join us for dinner (and transportation home) around six. They had a two drink max order at happy hours last call, and our better halves would order us a pair each for an eight drink coup de grace. Got hammered on gin and tonics, built log cabins out of stir sticks, ate two meals, and was out the door dirt cheap.

You’re right, getting old does suck.

RallyWrench > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:09

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In all honesty, that is a shitload of wine. I’d be worried for someone who admitted to doing that every night, or even with any regularity.

AuthiCooper1300 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:18

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Maybe you should really tell your friend about her “issue”. I hate to think what she is doing to her liver.

That description of cigarette butts and regret sounds very much like Lagavulin? I was given 3/4 of a bottle (long story) at an undefined moment between the first Gulf War and the collapse of Yugoslavia.

I only finished it last year. I hardly drink any alcohol (yeah, I know what the Cossacks say) but I somehow have some respect for Lagavulin.

Honeybunchesofgoats > RallyWrench 07/11/2017 at 19:19

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In all honesty, it sort of took me by surprise, especially since, for as long as we’ve known each other, I had come to think of her as better and more successful than me in every way. It was jarringly candid for someone that I idealize.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever 07/11/2017 at 19:24

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The only time I ever thought alcohol would kill me was due to screwdrivers. I was dating an artist, and we went to some fundraiser. I assumed that my $100 ticket would involve food in some way, so I didn’t eat that entire day, as is the Jewish way. When I got there, I discovered that there was cheese on crackers and an open bar.

Determined to get my $100 worth, I started ordering drinks. At some point I told the bartender to choose for me, and he chose screwdrivers. Being in an environment mostly with artists, I was the only person tipping. As such, my drinks became decidedly less orange juice and decidedly more vodka.

There’s a point at which a good bartender cuts someone off. I went far beyond that point. It was the only time in my life that I’m sure 1) I had alcohol poisoning 2) I was going to die, and 3) I made perfect peace with life. I was sure I was going to die, and I was strangely okay with that.

Honeybunchesofgoats > AuthiCooper1300 07/11/2017 at 19:29

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Considering that my dinner tonight will consist of gin with vitamins contributed through lime wedges, I’m not in a position to judge, but I do worry about her.

Actually, Laphroaig. I’ve had many different fancy variations of it, but I don’t know anything that comes close to the nihilistic qualities of the basic 10 year.

Rainbow > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:31

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If she thinks it might be a problem, then it most likely is. My girlfriend’s mom drinks more vodka than water, and even she refuses to entertain the possibility that it’s a problem. (And holy shit is it a problem. She’s never going to meet her future grandkids if she can’t show me at least a 6 month AA token by that time.)

Honeybunchesofgoats > Rainbow 07/11/2017 at 19:33

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That’s a downer, but good on you. Kids do not need that.

AuthiCooper1300 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:43

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No judging necessary. Just try to get her to last a little longer than you (I suppose you’d prefer it that way).

Some interesting game you two had. You can almost start a film on that premise and finish it with the mildly boozy chess match – the interesting part being, of course, how the characters would evolve while going from one stage to the other. 

Honeybunchesofgoats > AuthiCooper1300 07/11/2017 at 19:45

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I have few goals, but not outliving most of the people I care about is one of them.

That would be a great film, but I don’t think either of us has evolved that much since our early twenties; we just can’t get people to buy us drinks any more.

TorqueToYield > RallyWrench 07/11/2017 at 19:53

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A bottle of wine is really not that much. Like 4 glasses. If having 4 drinks a night is unhealthy I don’t want to be healthy.

TorqueToYield > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:56

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Screw drivers are gross. Orange juice has way too much sugar. But maybe that was their plan. The cheap juice covers the taste of cheap vodka.

Just drink whiskey. Much safer.

AuthiCooper1300 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 19:59

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Well, I never said it would be about you and your friend specifically; just that it sounds like a good framework for a story.

Having said that... maybe it would still be an interesting story. Mind you, not from your point of view, but hers.

More seriously - have a chat with her. I think she wanted you to say “hey, slow down”. Maybe those conversations are tacitly off-limits between you two but the fact that she asked feels suspect.

RallyWrench > TorqueToYield 07/11/2017 at 20:45

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4+ glasses of 13%+ alcohol adds up. I put down some quality beers on most Friday or Saturday nights, but in the OP’s friend’s case, a bottle of wine a night is not exactly a good long term plan, not to mention a shitload of money if you’re drinking good stuff. What would worry me in her case is that she “plans for 1-2 glasses”, then ends up drinking a bottle. Not being able to stop yourself and winding up at the bottom of a bottle every night is a pretty good definition of alcoholism, or at least having some other demon that leads to it. Not judging anyone, stress and other factors do all kinds of nasty things to people, but were I in Honeybunchesofgoats’ position I’d worry for her.

RallyWrench > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 20:53

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Nobody’s perfect and everyone’s got a demon to slay, might want to make sure she’s not just trying to do it with alcohol, you know? Maybe she just really, really likes wine, but when you mention that she plans to drink less and ends up in for a bottle so much, that’s worrisome.

Sam > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 21:57

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I’ll take getting stoned to getting drunk any day of the week. Its really what keeps me from drinking more. That, and the fact that I’m a massive lightweight (I am borderline drunk after 2 beers) and I get slightly hungover from pretty much anything that I drink the night before, even like a single shot or a beer.

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 22:43

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Staying in with wine and chess sounds delightful. I’m getting old(er) and thoroughly enjoying it haha

boxrocket > AuthiCooper1300 07/12/2017 at 15:03

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My dad’s preferred in Lagavulin. It’s definitely a sipping whisky.